Mothers-in-law behind 3% of divorce cases

JEDDAH: Fifty percent of marital problems originate from troubled relations between wives and her mothers-in-law, local media quoted a recent study as saying.

At the same time, 3 percent of divorce cases were attributed to mothers-in-law, the study also said.
Referring to the study, Kholoud Nasr, a psychology lecturer at King Abdulaziz University, said 40 percent of mothers-in-law are jealous of their sons’ wives.
According to the study, this jealousy reaches its peak in the first five years of marriage, when a mother feels that her son’s wife is younger or more beautiful and has snatched the son to whom she devoted her life.
Nasr said there are psychological reasons for such jealousy, including the son’s attention to his new family and his gradual staying away from his mother, which causes her anger.
This necessitates compromise between the mother who is owed obedience and the wife who deserves attention and love; but dealing with mothers-in-law requires skill and a great control of emotions, Nasr said.
Social researcher Khalid Al-Dos said mothers-in-law often wish to dominate the lives of their daughters-in-law, adding that social and family factors are the reason for 40 percent of divorce cases.
Family consultant Abdulkarim Al-Qarni said 3 percent of total divorce cases are due to the dominance of mothers-in-law.
Lawyer Ahmed Al-Jitaili said courts witness many divorce cases attributed to the jealousy of mothers-in-law, especially when the mother lives with her son’s family.
This usually leads to the intervention of the husband’s family in the affairs of the couple and to loss of privacy and lack of intimacy for the couple, he said, adding that in this situation, each party should talk to the parents in a calm and polite way about the nature of marital life and the importance of privacy, at the same time giving assurances of love, concern and appreciation.
Amal Al-Yafae, a 26-year-old divorced woman, suffered “the worst” from her mother-in-law.
“I was married for only two years, and my mother-in-law made sure to turn my marital life into an absolute hell,” Al-Yafae said.
The husband’s mother constantly interfered in the couple’s lives, violated their privacy and constantly had disputes with the daughter-in-law.
“My ex-husband used to give his mother detailed reports about our daily activities, which, honestly, annoyed me to some extent.”
This problem is faced by many new brides.
Hajer Abdul Latif tells of her marriage that lasted for only three months after exhausting, continuous disputes with her “narcissistic, possessive mother-in-law who wasted no chance in sabotaging” her marriage.
“She used to share her opinions about me with other members of the family in a convincing way that turned them against me.”
The newly married daughter-in-law, 18 at the time, tried every possible way to convince her husband to move out of the family’s house in order to start over, but the 20-year-old son was too attached to his mother to leave the house.
“Our marriage would have lasted if it hadn’t been for my mother-in-law’s endless, successful, attempts to ruin it,” Abdul Latif concluded.
Defying the stereotype of the classic mother-in-laws, 52-year-old Sahar Nasif criticizes the behavior of some mothers who are “supposed to be supportive of the marriage institution and encourage their sons to build a better life and start their own families”.
“In my opinion, every newly married couple should live in a separate house. Times have changed and the new generation has its own way of living. I married off three daughters, and I would hate to see them suffer because of their mothers-in-law, and therefore I am careful how I behave toward my daughters-in-law,” Nasif said.