Lecturer explains how successful marriages stand the test of time

ALKHOBAR: Divorce rates in the Gulf states only reached 5.5 percent and not 30 percent as claimed, said Hamoud Al-Qashaan, dean of the Faculty of Social Sciences at Kuwait University in a lecture titled “Ways to improve family relationships,” which was held at Sultan bin Abdulaziz Science and Technology Center in Alkhobar.
Al-Qashaan said: “The presence of children in married life is important for its continuation, but they must not be regarded as screws used to keep a marital relationship from collapsing since they only affect the date of separation or divorce.”
He explained that married life goes through three basic and two exceptional stages: The first basic stage is the one in which the couple knows each, other and it lasts from five to seven years. This is followed by the harmony stage in which the couple cooperates in bringing up their children after completing the first stage successfully.
Al-Qashaan said that the third basic stage is the one in which the couple depend on each other, confirming that the couple at this stage becomes similar to each other, even in facial expressions and tone of voice.
These stages are interspersed with two exceptional stages: The quarrels stage which is the most dangerous stage in married life and it comes after the first basic stage; and the thinking stage, or the middle-age crisis, that comes between the second and the third basic stages, i.e. after the age of 37 for women and 42 for men, he said.
Regarding family disputes, Al-Qashaan said that there are various types of disputes which include hidden disputes — such as lack of verbal communication; tangible disputes — such as the obvious dissonance in behaviors; violent disputes within the house; and disputes known by others.
He added that there are several factors which contribute to the weakness of the marital relationship including over-complaining before others, and intolerance between the couple. He stressed that the pillars of love in marriage comprise psychological aspects such as intimacy and respect, biological aspect such as passion and common sense, and social aspects which are responsible for thinking in cases of troubles and disagreements.