Have you ever tried to analyze the reasons that make you behave in a certain way or choose a reaction rather than a different one? If you haven’t, it is time that you did. You are used to doing things or uttering words in a particular way and you don’t really pay too much attention to them. This is the way you are — you believe — these are your habits and … it’s okay with you. The question is: Is it okay also for the people you are usually dealing with, i.e. your family, friends, colleagues, neighbors? Ask yourself: Is the way I treat people determined by what, in my opinion, is fair or is it rather conditioned by their attitude, especially when “their” attitude tends to affect me, when it tries to make me modify my behavior? Does this concept seem complicated? Actually, it is not.
If, for instance, you are dealing with a subordinate whose ways are too modest and humble, review your typical reaction. Visualize yourself in the situation and focus on the way you usually behave. You may pretend you did not notice their submissive attitude and treat them normally, as any other person who is more confident. You don’t discriminate and your attitude is the same. On the other hand, it could be that their low-profile stance, which clearly shows a sort of inferiority complex, or an exaggerated respect toward an authoritative figure, makes you feel “the boss,” the powerful chief who can raise his voice any time he likes, who can criticize, reproach and even humiliate. You would be neither the first nor the last. It’s not a rare case at all. And if not you, you surely know someone who behaves like this.
You often have the feeling that it is all right to take advantage of the weak individual, the shy friend, the clumsy colleague, even your children, your students, your house-worker. When you are angry for personal reasons, you might feel better while pouring your anger out onto others. You experience a kind of relief when you express your frustrations out loud, no matter who the recipient of your outburst is. What is important is to have someone there, in front of you, who would not dare to back answer. Later, after enjoying your tiny, petty satisfaction (just for a short time it makes you feel powerful, doesn’t it?), after shouting and bossing around, you honestly realize that, actually, you do not feel better at all. After releasing your anger in this unfair way, you cannot feel satisfied and freed from your burden. On the contrary: After such outburst, you probably regret most of what you said or did. You might even feel guilty because you know, deep inside, that “the others” were only innocent scapegoats for your bad mood. Taking advantage of someone else (any kind of advantage, be it material, physical, psychological etc.) cannot provide you with the fulfillment you initially expected and that you are pursuing so greedily. Aggressive, overbearing, controlling, domineering, arrogant human beings will never be happy, will never experience a moment of true peace and serenity. If you decide to make the switch, examine your motivations before saying or doing anything. Understand the reasons why you prefer to say or do this rather than that.
I keep tackling this topic because it is the “master key” for applying Creative Thinking in your life in a fruitful manner. If you try to act according to what you believe to be right, without letting your present mood condition you, you will avoid end up saying: “Oh, I wish I had not said it!” or “I wish I had not done that!”. An Italian proverb says, “Hindsight fills the pits” (We acquire wisdom when it’s too late). Therefore, try to use your intelligence and discrimination in advance, before taking any action. Don’t wait till it’s too late to improve a situation by giving in to a tough reaction. It may cause a result that you will later bitterly regret.
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