When you think about your life and are honest with yourself, you must admit that, “maybe,” you need to change something in your way of living, you should forget part of your past or start behaving differently in one or two situations that you keep facing. Nevertheless, you are not too thrilled about the idea of changing because you feel you will have to give up a “part” of who you are. You have the sensation that you might have to undergo a kind of “death” in order to start a renewed way of living.
Actually, it is exactly so. You have to eliminate certain traits of your “being” if you want a new, better version of yourself be born. The true “yourself” will not change, only some minor details which, nevertheless, can make a huge difference. Just think of your hair. Yes, your hair! Go in front of a mirror and look at yourself the way your hair is arranged. Now dishevel it. Look at yourself again and notice your appearance. Is it the same as it was before you messed it up? I don’t think so. Now comb or brush your fair in a different style. Don’t you see that you look slightly different? Go further and imagine having a totally new haircut and hair do. Are you the same person? Yes, you are! Does your new “you” look the same? No, it does not!
Different details in your physical appearance change your looks, while the essence of “you” remains the same. Something similar happens when you change something in your behavior. If you are “Ali,” you still remain Ali, if you are “Maha,” you still remain Maha. But your way of presenting yourself, the way of dealing with others will change. People will notice this and will certainly appreciate it.
When you are afraid (although you might not clearly understand why) you try to find excuses for your perceived incapability to break with the past or to release a negative habit. “I will do it soon,” you say, just like those who want to stop smoking, or start a strict diet, or exercise more... It is always “tomorrow,” “next month,” “later“!
“It is difficult,” you say. True, it is difficult, to certain extent. But it is not impossible. If you want to do it, you only need the “will.” However, in order to be “willing enough” and be able to carry out your decision, a previous preparation is necessary. If up to yesterday, for example, you have been a weak, or aggressive, or jealous human being, you cannot expect to lose the trait you do not like in your character overnight. Improvement takes place gradually. Therefore, if you really want to change, you must commit yourself to examine your motivations and understand the reason why you tend to behave in such a way.
Are you a shy, timid person? Stating all of a sudden: “From tomorrow I am going to be assertive” is useless because it is unrealistic. But if you ask: “Why am I so shy?,” this is a question which, by leading you to self-examination and to an honest analysis of your personal situation (family, work, childhood, instructions, conditioning and so on..) will help you find an answer.
Once you raise the cause of the problem that is troubling you up to the awareness level, the task you are endeavoring to carry out comes gradually to completion. Now it is time to perform the big jump! Now that you know the reason of your shyness, you also understand that it is your choice either to go on being its prey or to refuse to be dominated by it. Now you can choose between slavery and freedom!
On the other hand, this “jump” might frighten you because you do not know what is awaiting you. It is understandable. But if you succeed in becoming assertive and self-assured, you realize that your life will totally change as a result of “your” changing. Things around you will still be the same, but “you” shall be capable of seeing them with new eyes, you will feel the master of the situation and not the victim any more — at last!
— Elsa Franco Al Ghaslan, a Saudi English instructor and published author (in Italy), is a long-time scholar of positive thinking.
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Blog: recreateyourlifetoday.blogspot.com
