The Spinster Problem

Author: 
Mandal Al-Qabaa, Al-Jazirah
Publication Date: 
Thu, 2006-03-09 03:00

Spinster is an ugly word. It upsets many people and so they avoid using it to refer to any woman, no matter what the circumstances. Some women even agree to marry, regardless of the man’s abilities or character, simply to escape being called a spinster. The word is not associated with any particular age though wealth, beauty and social status may save some girls from being described as spinsters even if they are well past what is considered the normal age for marriage.

There are different reasons for a girl not marrying. She might spend a great deal of time involved with her education or career and lose track of her age until she reaches the age that she is called a spinster. Or maybe, she had her own reasons for refusing the men who asked for her hand, preferring to wait for a better offer. There might also be family problems. Maybe the young woman is supporting her family or taking care of her disabled parents.

The last reason I can think of is all the changes taking place in society these days. In earlier times, a girl married her cousin or a relative but that is no longer the case. Young men propose to women from outside their families and sometimes even from outside the country. In addition, the expenses of marriage are greater than ever before. And in the end, delaying marriage doesn’t harm the man as much as it harms the woman.

Are there any solutions? Yes, perhaps. For example, group marriage ceremonies which provide a wedding at the same time for more than 100 couples is the solution to reduce expenses.

A girl must wait until the right person asks to marry her but once the offer is made, she must think carefully before making her decision. She shouldn’t waste time expecting this or wishing for that. According to a Hadith, if a man who is religious and a person of integrity asks for your daughter, marry her to him. The family should consider what’s best for the girl — and not what is best for them.

On the other hand, I must speak to the women who feel they have missed or are about to miss the marriage train: Don’t panic. Submit to Allah because He controls all. Don’t worry because what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. Practice your hobbies, work, study and participate in charity work. Unmarried women can always shift their motherly emotions to the millions of children in orphanages. Adoption could also be a possible solution. People will never object to a caring female who wants to love and pamper their children.

A woman is a sister, a wife and a daughter. Women are the source of life as Allah created them and their presence in life is appealing. They provide psychological and social security for their families and children. Young men, please don’t neglect women and do what you can to save them from spinsterhood.

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