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Gossip and nepotism are vastly underrated by a new generation of expats from the Levant. They belong to older, more outdated value systems, kept by family networks and maintained through extensive social relations. They have no place in a modern corporate environment.
It has been a month of festivities in Lebanon. Eid Al-Fitr was preceded by two weeks of Easter, one for Eastern and another for Western Christian denominations, and Passover for the Jews. These are periods of intensive socializing, but a young generation of expats instead send each other colorful greetings on social media, meaning they miss out on an essential function that these celebrations have performed since time immemorial.
We think of refugees as people in tents and makeshift housing, but the elite and the middle classes are also part of population movements and demographic changes, with their associated cultural implications. Simply put, they lose contact with family networks that have been maintained over several generations.
Families are now scattered, sometimes over several continents. Recent decades have seen the widespread displacement of people, especially the young, from Lebanon, Syria, Iraq and Palestine. If they meet in their diasporas, they do so as individuals, sometimes unaware of several layers of connections.
My parents’ generation knew everyone that needed to be known across the region. It was like having a built-in microchip in their brains filled with genealogies and connections. Titles like uncle and auntie are not reserved solely for close relatives, but denoted membership of the same network.
Intensive interactions, seen as social obligations, maintain the system. Visits during religious feasts, wedding celebrations and funerals keep people in touch all the time. Even during lazy moments in cafes or hammams, or endless card games, what seems like idle gossip is in fact a sophisticated mechanism that allows the continuous exchange of information. When people traveled, they allocated days for farewell and welcome back visits. Young married couples did not go straight on their honeymoons, they spent a week “receiving” congratulations.
Modern tools like LinkedIn, employment agencies, dating apps and due diligence or background checks are a poor substitute for the knowledge achieved through such intense social interactions. Who knows better than your mother who and what is really good for you?
Self-help books are for sad, lonely people who have only themselves to get help from. Who needs a curriculum vitae or an HR process, to see a therapist or consult an employment agency when there are armies of uncles and especially of aunties always available? What is heard through the grapevine can be far more reliable than the product of algorithms, data processors or artificial intelligence.
What seems like idle gossip is in fact a sophisticated mechanism that allows the continuous exchange of information.
Nadim Shehadi
Being asked “where are you from” is never an innocent question and the new generations find it offensive. They feel they are being stereotyped or pigeonholed, and they are correct. Questions about family names or geographic origins are designed to place them within a complex matrix of relations displaying global connections. They see the system as archaic and discriminatory; it is neither transparent nor meritocratic and the information is not scientific — it is built on gossip and nepotism, both of which are perceived as negatively loaded words. There are, however, valid alternative views.
Some historians, such as Yuval Noah Harari in his book “Sapiens,” argue that gossip is a form of “social currency” that allows individuals to gain status and build alliances within their social groups. You communicate a certain loyalty and trust when you share sensitive information and this helps build a network built on shared obligations with others in the same group. Robin Dunbar, the evolutionary psychologist, argues that gossip helps manage complex social relationships — you need to know the latest about alliances and hierarchies to manage your position within society. This information allows people to better decide whom to trust, whom to avoid and with whom they can do business or marry.
The same goes for nepotism. The French sociologist Pierre Bourdieu sees this as part of “social capital,” in that your connections are an asset that can give you a head start. This can be as important as other qualifications. Close ties can be beneficial in small, family-owned businesses with a strong sense of loyalty and commitment to the success of the business. Members of the same network can communicate better and understand company culture and values, which helps with decision-making.
Some anthropologists have also argued that nepotism is more acceptable in Mediterranean societies, where values such as honor and shame, as well as family ties and networks, are important. Edward Hall described such cultural traits as a “silent language” and analyzed how they influence behavior and relationships between people.
But this is not only specific to our region. In my student days in the UK, a long time ago, I became friends with a network of Sindhis, a community that has also been scattered all over the world. They had chosen to relocate to tax havens and offshore areas. Places like Singapore, Hong Kong, the Canary Islands, the Cayman Islands, Gibraltar and Jersey, with businesses in Africa and Asia. Their network was maintained through large weddings, where they all met, and by sending their children to spend time working for each other’s businesses. So, they were in continuous communication and knew each other’s news. Part of it was, of course, aimed at matchmaking.
In a recent call with one of my Sindhi friends, I asked him about this and he said that it is becoming more difficult to maintain such tight relationships as in the past. Perhaps, ultimately, it will be a losing battle for us too, which would be a great loss.
• Nadim Shehadi is a Lebanese economist.
Twitter: @Confusezeus