Code Red, the Y2K, the Love Bug, Nimda, Goner, over 58,000 recorded, all viruses that 325 mg of Amoxil can’t cure; evil bugs that may spring up one day and bite your hard disk if you aren’t careful. Sadistic minds seem to think up ever more innovative viruses with names that would make even Steven King jealous. The means of transmission run the gamut from the traditional infected floppy to the seemingly innocuous e-mail. They are more pervasive than anthrax and if you are not vigilant, your computer could turn into useless junk, your files and documents relegated to the black hole of reformatted hard disks that even "Scotty" couldn’t beam up for you.
While the advice "back-up your work," "be careful before opening an attachment from unknown persons" and "keep up to date with the viruses on the Net" are all valid, few of us ever listen, living our lives in blind faith that it just couldn’t happen to us. Luckily, the number of firms happy to make money off our naivete are not scarce.
With this in mind and after a number of close calls, I decided it was time to get my act together and get some virus protection. Armed with the full listing of MGs, HDs and all sorts of unpronounceable alphanumerics that make up the specs of my computer, I headed for a well-known bookstore advertising itself as the biggest computer shop this side of the Empty Quarter. An endless sea of slickly packaged, cellophane wrapped cardboard boxes were on the shelves — enough to make this phobic want to run screaming the other way. Gathering my courage, however, I slowly began to look for anything that didn’t look like a shoot them up game or so-and-so’s answer to all my cooking woes. Like any woman at a car repair shop, I made every effort to avoid eye contact with the salesmen, afraid that my inadequate knowledge of the machine on my desk would be immediately obvious.
Murphy’s law decrees that the last thing you see is the one you were looking for and sure enough, there it was: On the last shelf at the back of the shop. I spent half an hour reading every smidgen of information I could find on the packages. I was ready to tear my hair out. Should I go for the professional package or the more standard one? Should I go for Norton or McAfee? Only a frantic phone call to my brother solved this dilemma and we decided to go for McAfee — since I was assured that more expensive didn’t necessarily mean better though most women will tell you otherwise.
Mission accomplished, with more speed and less drama than Cruise in MI2, I made my way home to read the "Getting Started Guide." It’s simple, or so they say, so I decided to take the plunge and get the program installed. The process went smoothly, I even got to make my own "Emergency Boot Disk." Imagine that! So proud of myself I was when the screen flashed with the happy announcement that installation was complete. Nothing could stop this PC now!
Heeding the advice to reboot my computer and try out my EBD, I did so and it worked. I felt myself a regular computer geek. I switched off and later in the afternoon decided to check my mail. Power On... computer loading... enter password... disaster! The computer automatically rebooted. I tried again and again and again but to no avail. The McAfee screen was the last thing before the computer decided to reboot.
Another hysterical phone call to my brother. He told me simply to switch off the power and leave the machine alone until he got there. He arrived that evening with all sorts of gadgets for the computer. After puzzling over the problem for about an hour, we decided to check out McAfee’s website for help on his laptop. A speedy search produced the following: "Does Windows appear to hang at start-up on the Vshield Splash Screen? Then do the following..."
Of course, if you lack an advanced degree, I challenge you to understand it. Suffice it to say that all their advice was useless but with some expert help, we uninstalled McAfee and got the PC to work again.
McAfee’s solution to the $19 virus they had sold me was: "Thank you for contacting our McAfee Retail Support Center. This e-mail address is no longer in use. At the present time, all support is being handled through our extensive online support website. Please visit our website at http://www.mcafeehelp.com for further support. Once you enter the site, you will be able to search for an FAQ related to your problem. If you don’t find an answer, you will have the opportunity to contact our support engineers through any method you choose. These options include free Chat Now, Free E-mail Express, and paid phone support options. Our engineers are available to answer your questions at any time so please do not hesitate to utilize this powerful resource. Again, thank you for contacting McAfee retail support."
If you are about to buy McAfee Virus Scan, be warned — but if you are among the unfortunates to whom this has happened then take heart. My best advice is to do the following: As the desktop is loading — find the McAfee shortcut on the task bar — right click it and tell it to exit. Your computer should then continue to load normally. You then have the option of (1) trashing McAfee — no, I don’t mean jumping up and down on the installation CD but go ahead if it makes you feel any better — or you can just uninstall the program from the computer. Option 2: Tell McAfee not to load on start-up; instead turn it on manually every time you switch your computer on.
I’ll leave you to guess which option I chose. But the strangest thing of all is that when my brother took the CD and tried it on his PC — copyright laws be damned — it gave him no trouble at all. Go figure!
