Q. I have been asked numerous times about the Prophet’s marriage with Aishah and her age at the time. Could you please throw some light on this issue, and explain the reasons why this marriage took place at such an early age?
A. Ahmad, USA
A. Yes, this question will inevitably be raised time after time, particularly with the steadily increasing attacks against Islam and against the Prophet personally. Yet there is nothing in Islam, or in the character and behavior of Muhammad (peace be upon him), God’s last messenger to mankind, that we need to apologize for, or feel embarrassed about. However, some discussion of his marriage to Aishah and her age at the time of their marriage is needed in order to show that there was nothing wrong in all that.
The most commonly quoted report suggests that Aishah was only six years of age when the Prophet proposed to her, and their actual marriage took place when she was nine. People tend to take this as an established fact. But when we examine this report and take into consideration all factors and related reports, we find that this report does not stand to even elementary scrutiny.
The first thing we have to understand is that the Arabian society at the time of the Prophet was largely illiterate, with very few people able to read and write. There was no particular calendar used for dating major events, let alone the births and deaths of people. We read for example that the Prophet was born in the year of the elephant, which was the year when an Abyssinian commander went from Yemen to Makkah at the head of a large army with the aim of destroying the Kaaba. A large elephant marched in front of the army. Hence, the name given to the event and the year.
Reports of people’s ages in Arabia at the time of the Prophet are often confused, and always uncertain. For example, the common idea of the Prophet’s age at the time of his first marriage to Khadeejah is said to be 25, while she was 40. However, in the most reliable biography of the Prophet, written by Ibn Hisham, which gives him that age, we have two additional reports, one putting his age at 30 and the other at 21. There is simply no way we can determine with any degree of accuracy which of the three figures indicating the Prophet’s age is the correct one. Khadeejah’s age is also subject to speculation with different reports saying that she was 35 and 25. One report by Ibn Abbas, the Prophet’s cousin who was one of the most authoritative scholars among the Prophet’s companions, says that both the Prophet and his wife were 28 at the time of their marriage. Considering that Khadeejah gave the Prophet six children, there is no way she could have been 40 at the time of their marriage, which is the most common report. She must have been much younger, and the report that she was 28 or 25 seems far more reasonable.
The Prophet did not marry anyone else while Khadeejah was alive, and he lived with her for 25 years. When she died and he was facing great pressure, a woman companion of his suggested that he should get married, so that he would have companionship and comfort at home, after a long day of preaching his message. She suggested either a virgin, Aishah, or a previously married woman, Sawdah. The Prophet told her to go with his proposal to both of them.
The idea behind a new marriage was to give the Prophet companionship and comfort, and yet those who suggest that Aishah was six at the time want us to believe that the woman who wanted the Prophet to get married would suggest to him a girl of 6 to marry! That is some companionship! I wonder whether she meant companionship to him or to his youngest daughter who was older than Aishah, if we accept this report.
But then we cannot take the matter on logical factors alone. We have to have some other basis. Consider then that in Ibn Ishaq’s biography of the Prophet, which is the basis and most accurate of all biographies, we have a list of the early Muslims, who accepted Islam in the very early days of the Islamic message. He lists about 50 people and this list includes the names of Abu Bakr’s two daughters, Asmaa’ and Aishah, adding that she was young at the time. On that list, Aishah comes at number 20, but let us not attach any importance to this order. We will only take the fact that all these were Muslims before the message of Islam was in its fifth year, because in that year the first immigration to Abyssinia took place, when many of those included in this list were among the immigrants. So, at that time, in year 5 or earlier, Aishah was young but old enough to be listed among people accepting a new faith. What age do we give her? Surely it cannot be said that she was 2 or 4 or 5, and still be included in such a list of illustrious names. Otherwise, all children born to the other 50 people on the list would have been mentioned. She must have been old enough to make an informed decision of the serious magnitude of changing or accepting a religion. To me, she could not have been less than 10 or 8, if people would insist on making her younger.
We now need to find out how long after that her marriage took place. Well, we know that the marriage took place after the Prophet and his companions had settled in Madinah, which means year 13 or 14 of the beginning of Islamic revelations. Simple arithmetic shows that she could not have been less than 14 when she was named to the Prophet as a possible wife, or less than 17 when he married her, with the stronger possibility that she was even older, perhaps 19.
Then someone might ask why the Prophet would marry a young woman of that age when he was 53 or 54? In order to understand such issues we need to remember that we cannot apply our own social norms to a different society, even though we live at the same time. Thus, American social norms may not be applied in Africa, Malaysia or Japan, nor can the social norms of any of these societies be applied in the other. At that time in Arabia, people did not consider age difference between man and wife to be of great significance. Take the case of Umar ibn Al-Khattab and his daughter Hafsah. When she was divorced, Umar suggested to Abu Bakr, who was at least 10 years older than him, to marry her. The age difference in that marriage, had it taken place, would have been nothing less than 30 years, and Umar thought that it would have been a great and welcome match. When Abu Bakr was slow in answering Umar’s suggestion, Umar offered her to Uthman, who was only a few years younger than him. But Uthman had a reason for not marrying her, and then the Prophet married her. He was about the same age as Abu Bakr or slightly older. The age gap counted for nothing at the time.
