It is well-known that Islam allows polygamy within certain conditions. A man may be married to no more than four wives at the same time. However, he must maintain fairness between his wives at all times. He may not show favoritism to any one of them. He must give them all the same type of accommodation, and the same standard of living, dividing his time equally between them, and meeting all their needs on equal and fair basis. This is certainly a hard task which many people cannot achieve. Yet it is obligatory. However, in the feelings of love, the question of fairness is beyond any person’s control. Therefore, God makes it clear that people who are married to more than one wife should not go strongly in favor of one of their wives. They should try hard to moderate their feelings so that no wife should feel abandoned or neglected.
This question is very important and must not be trifled with. Its importance is made clear by none other than God Himself, who says: “Should you fear that you may not be able to maintain fairness, then marry only one wife”. In other words, if one suspects that he may not be able to maintain fairness, he is not allowed to marry more than one woman.
The polygamy option is meant to provide a solution for some social problems which would have more difficult or unwelcome results unless such a possibility is granted. Take the example of a wife who is suffering a chronic illness that limits her abilities to fulfill her tasks in the normal way.
Her husband does not like to divorce her as she is dear to him and he cares for her welfare. Moreover, divorce would put her in a more difficult position. He wants to retain their marital relationship but there may be compelling reasons which require the presence of anther woman so that the family could function in a better way. This is particularly true when the family includes young children whose mother cannot provide all their needs.
There are numerous other situations where a second marriage seems to be the better solution for family problems. However, men sometimes have a totally different view of this situation which Islam allows. People speak of a man’s right to marry more than one wife, despite the fact that all the texts that speak of it in the Qur’an and the Sunnah stress that it is something that should be approached with caution.
I have a letter from Mr. L. Patel of Alkhobar who starts by asking whether marrying a second wife is a Sunnah, and how to convince one’s children by his first wife to accept that. It is certainly not a Sunnah to marry a second wife. Indeed, it is more preferable to marry one wife only. This is seen clearly in the Prophet’s attitude when his son-in-law, Ali, wanted to marry a second wife. The Prophet went to him and said, “No woman may be taken as a wife together with the daughter of God’s messenger”. If such a marriage was a Sunnah, or if there was a preference for it in the Islamic faith, the Prophet would not have prevented anyone from fulfilling it, particularly in a society where polygamy was the norm.
My reader suggests that a friend of his goes as far as saying that if one thinks that one should not marry more than one wife is a step toward sin. How peculiar! If this is a sin, what is not? If treating one’s wife with care and compassion, and if giving her feelings the due respect they deserve is viewed as a step toward sin, what is the proper course of action to earn reward from God? That person is taking matters much too far.
Permissible and forbidden
Q.1. I note that things are described as permissible or forbidden in Islam and Judaism, but not in Christianity. Please explain.
Q.2. Could the Imam recite Hadiths in his Friday sermon or khutba, or is restricted to the Qur’an only?
Q.3. Could you please explain whether it is acceptable to call a person by the title Maulana, when it means “caretaker” and it is used in the Qur’an in reference to God alone?
W. A. Khan, Jeddah
A.1. The Divine code of law was given to Moses (peace be upon him) when he was given the tablets. This is the law that gives in detail what things God has made permissible and others He prohibited. This remained in operation for several centuries, reinforced by the prophets God sent to the Children of Israel. Jesus Christ (peace be upon him) was the last of these prophets sent to the Israelites, but he was sent with a new message, which he defines as “I have not come to abrogate the book but to confirm it.” This is confirmed in the Qur’an as it quotes Jesus Christ saying: “I have come to confirm that which has already been sent down of the Torah and to make lawful to you some of the things which were forbidden you.” (3: 50) This means that if something is forbidden in the Torah and Jesus Christ did not specifically declare it permissible it should remain prohibited to Christians. However, Christian Churches adopt a different line, saying that Christianity has not prohibited any substance, but prohibited addiction or craving any substance.
A.2. Of course he may. In fact, he does well if he quotes Hadiths in plenty. However, he should always make sure that the Hadiths he is quoting are authentic. If the Imam is giving a sermon in his own words, then quoting the Hadiths of the Prophet makes the khutba stronger and better.
A.3. It is true, the title Maulana is used in the Qur’an in reference to God only. It means “Our Master”, not “caretaker” as you have indicated. Hence, it is not used in Arab countries in reference to anyone, except perhaps in the recent past, when referring to, or addressing a king. But this was by no means done in all Arab countries, certainly not in Saudi Arabia. In the countries of the Indian subcontinent, it is used in reference to scholars, imams of mosques, and religious people. In this usage, the title has lost its Arabic meaning and become a synonym of a “religious scholar.” Since it is used in this sense, it is not an offense to use it. However, it is better to avoid it.
On the ‘passer-by’ marriage
Q. I have read with interest your comments on the ruling on a “passer-by”, or Al-Missyar, marriage, which you termed as “new”. What is exactly meant by its being new? You referred to the case of Sawdah, the Prophet’s wife who relinquished her rights in favor of Aisha, his other wife. Which of them did the Prophet marry first?
In any event, I have been contemplating a second marriage for quite sometime, as my first marriage has not been very successful. Moreover, my wife suffers from a chronic illness. As Islam requires equal treatment of one’s wives, I have been reluctant to initiate any steps in this regard. But this type of marriage seems to provide a way out. Please advise.
S. M. I., Karachi
A. Al-Misyar, or passer-by, marriage is an arrangement of marriage in the full sense of the word. However, the wife chooses to relinquish some of her rights because she prefers to be married with limited rights to staying single. When I said this is a new type of marriage, I referred to the fact that people did not resort to such marital arrangements until recently. It is a marriage in the full sense of the word, intended to last for life. However, the husband is normally an already married man, but he may have some problems with his existing marriage which need not lead to a complete break-up. His new wife may decide that she will be happy to marry him, if he stays with her one night a week, or less or more often, as the case may be. She is entitled to be completely looked after like any wife, but if she is rich, she may forgo that right. Any arrangement that they may agree voluntarily, without pressure, is acceptable.
Sawdah, the Prophet’s wife, was married to him before Aisha. She was the first wife he married after the death of Khadeejah. She continued to enjoy all her rights, but when she noticed that Aisha had a special place in the Prophet’s heart, she relinquished her nights in favor of Aisha. She did this as a gesture of love for the Prophet. Her action and the Prophet’s acceptance indicate clearly that relinquishing some rights by one wife in favor of another is acceptable, provided it is done freely, without pressure.
I am not sure what to advise you in your present circumstances. However, when a woman is seriously ill, and her illness is a lifelong one, she is entitled to a greater degree of love and care. One should consider very carefully whether it is appropriate to suggest another marriage in the circumstances, and what effect such a suggestion may have on her. On the other hand, she should look at her husband’s situation and decide whether she could be more helpful and receive better care if she accepts his right to have a second marriage.
Involuntary discharges
Q. Due to weakness of bladder and stomach I experience involuntary discharge of urine and wind. This has caused me a great deal of mental distress. I would like to know whether I can pray, read the Qur’an, offer the Umrah and pilgrimage? Please advise.
(Name and address withheld)
A. I am sorry to hear of your distress, but I assure you that this is not an uncommon problem. It has been known for a very long time in history, and the great scholars have spoken about it. While medical treatment is the only advise one can give in respect of overcoming it, the problem should not stop you from doing any worship. However, in order to maintain taharah, or purification for your prayers, you should do the following procedure. When you are preparing for prayer and before you perform your ablutions or wudhu, you make sure that your underwear is clean. Before you wear it, you put a small polythene bag with a piece of cotton or tissue paper inside it on your penis and tie it so that it is not loose. This gives you the benefit that any discharge is made in the polythene bag while your clothes remain clean, free of impurity. You then perform your ablutions and proceed to do your prayers immediately. Even if you feel a drop or two during prayer, you pay no attention to that, and continue your prayer without interruption. It is valid and acceptable, God willing. You may do this and go to the mosque to attend the congregational prayer without hesitation, as long as you have done this procedure for that particular prayer at its time.
When it is time for the next prayer, you change the bag and the cotton or tissue paper and perform fresh ablutions, or wudhu. If you want to read the Qur’an you go ahead and read it. When you go for Umrah or pilgrimage, follow the same procedure for your prayers and your tawaf. The other rituals you can do even if you have not had ablutions. May God help you.
