Saudi society is defined by its own culture and beliefs. Morals, ideas and life styles may ebb and flow, but basically that is all Saudi society is. We comfortably move within the same hollow circle. We are happy and secure in this thoughtless existence. As women we are especially resolved to our bounds as daughters, mothers and wives. Those of us who manage to exceed those bounds are the exception, not the rule.

There are liberties we want but apparently we don’t want them enough. Or else we would have gotten them by now. Sure, we may miss driving but when there’s a weekend sale at one of the crowded malls, we count the driver as a major blessing. We envy so many things we do not have. At the end of the day, however, we know deep down the problem is neither political nor religious. The real problem is that we are just too dumb.

How is it that our Western counterparts have had to suffer and strive for revolution for over a century while we were given our rights on a silver platter? You see while women were being bought and sold, used and exploited, Islam was born. And with its birth, the oppression of women ended. The Qur’an outlined the major issues and the Sunnah filled in the gaps. Yet still our selfish inclinations caused us to stray. Our narrow interests deny us the assertiveness we lack. We are so involved in appearances and life’s other trivialities. Our desire for attention wrenched away the veil of humbleness. This left our bodies and minds ripe for control by dominant others. Through our weakness grew their strength. Now blind and broken, we are buried in ignorance once again.

Through the generations, Saudi women are responsible for their own predicament. We allowed weak and ignorant men to convince us into thinking we were less than equal. We glorified and indulged those subservient ideas. And those of us who resisted did so by acting Western. Is this how we make the Arab woman modern? Why do the first acts of modernization have to be in discarding our Islamic identity?

We leave the upbringing of our children to nannies when we would never trust them with our expensive jewelry. When we shop, we give the impression that we are spoiled brats by spending money like there was no tomorrow. When we socialize, we either have religious seminars where the talk is all about how everyone is going to end up in hell or the other extreme of puffing shisha and playing cards.

When the West wants to learn about us, they cannot. Try to find an English magazine about Arab women that truly represents the Arab woman’s thoughts and beliefs. The people involved in these periodicals are Westerners who by far outnumber easterners. The last time I checked, the first image on our satellite channel was of a single Arab man singing, with a dozen women swooning and swaying around him. Is this the modern day harem? Does the Arab woman either have to be covered from head to toe or parade around half-dressed? Is there no middle ground? Even our weather girls are the subject of parody in their unprofessional overly made-up look. Our efforts to be open-minded have gone over the top. Instead of education and enlightenment, we are becoming objects once again.

What message are we sending to the West? That we are a weak breed of women who need rescuing. “Please help us out of these stifling abayas; we want to roam around the beaches in our swim suits!” While we whine over wanting to look like carbon copies of the so-called ideal women on television, the world is laughing at us. In the time it took the Western woman to evolve from factory worker to Executive CEO, we were — and are — still moaning about our incompetent nannies and our careless husbands. Who is the woman in our society? What is her identity? In our journey to be the best daughters, the attentive mothers, the supportive wives, some of us have forgotten who we truly are.

The English poet, Lord Tennyson, said, “The woman is so hard on the woman.” And I may be guilty of this. I truly believe no good change will come about if we do not change ourselves.

The tremors of 9/11 resonate from West to East. Our bubble has burst. And the whole world is talking about how oppressed we are. I attended a seminar at one of our major institutions where a Western woman was talking to us about the woman’s revolution. And all I could think of was the sixties when women marched shirtless in their desire to be like men. And presently the idea of women marrying other women and adopting babies.

I want to learn from Western women and get rights such as equal pay for equal work. I want to keep the privileges and position that Islam guaranteed to me. I want to get those things and retain my dignity and self-respect.

(Hadeel Shaikh is a poet, freelance writer and an advocate of children’s rights. She is based in Jeddah.)